delusional mahal


a sad story
About four years ago, when life wasn't so hard, and friends and good times were all that really mattered..... a young girl about 14 years of age lived her life of simplicity. Her name was Leana. She was currently with someone totally different from her, and not to mention, a pure heart breaker and loser. But hey, life was good, she was young, and basically that didn't really matter. All that mattered was that she knew what it was like to feel for a guy at that time, and to live her life of endless happiness with her friends and family. One afternoon, she stood on the grassy hill after school, embracing her so called boyfriend Jerry. And at that moment, about 10 feet away, at the flag pole, stood a boy about two years older than Leana by the name of James. He watched her gently hug her boyfriend, and then slowly walk away, until he could no longer see her image. He never knew what it was like to feel for anybody, however, a strange feeling inside took over him. Something extremely unexplainable, and so confusing. And he thought to himself, "One day, I just gotta meet her." "Hey James!" a boy called out. "why do you look all dazed off en stuff?" "Ah nothin' Jay, lets jes go home now" James replied. When James had arrived to Jay's house, they sat down for some soda, and James had totally gotten his mind off of that strange feeling. "Damn, I forgot to go call my homegirl man, can you hand me the phone James?" jay asked as he took a sip of his soda. "Hello may I please speak to Leana? This is Jay" he asked. Jay and Leana began to conversate, until he remembered to do some chores….. so he handed the phone to James. "here man, can you go talk to her for awhile, I gotta do some stuff for my dad real quick?" "Aight cool" said James. "Hello! Yeah hi this is James! Who's this?" "oh this is Leana" she replied. After that one conversation, Leana and James began to keep in touch with phone calls everyday. Neither one of them knew what they looked like, or so they thought. For James was totally clueless that that one girl he watched from the flag pole the other day, was the very girl he was laughing and talking with everyday. It had been weeks, and then months, and Leana and James grew close, and told one another everything imaginable. And with this bond, they became the best of friends. Still not knowing what they looked like in person, James decided to visit Jay again after school, which of course so happened to be the same school as Leana. James knew for a fact that Leana went to that school, but still didn't know what she looked like. Till that day after school….

As James walked onto the campus, he stood by the same flagpole, and waited for Jay. He watched the crowd of people, chatting about, and doing their own thing, until he spotted that one girl he had seen that one afternoon. He was so caught up by the way she carried herself, and how different she seemed from the other girls. She was shy, mature, quiet, and simple. None of that make up stuff all over her face. As he admired her, something immediately caught his attention… "Ey Leana, wassup!" a girl called out, walking towards the girl James was admiring. "Wassup" she said with a grin on her face. "Oh my gosh!" James said to himself. "Could that be Leana? The girl I've been talking to on the phone with?" He was so surprised. He walked up from behind Leana, and tapped her on her shoulder and quickly turned around, pretending he didn't do anything. Disturbed as Leana could be said "How rude!" and all James could do was laugh. He couldn't believe that that girl he was so eager to meet, was the very girl he had been talking to for quite awhile now…..Leana.

He called her that day, and told her that he saw her. Leana was so surprised. "Oh that was you huh, that one guy who tapped me on the shoulder huh?" she laughed. Inside, Leana and James felt something so weird, every time they talked and every time they were apart.They felt something inside when they thought of one another. But the feelings they felt, they let it pass, and denied it to themselves, as if it were simply nothing. They wondered about these feelings time to time, but never really tried to figure out what it meant, or what it was. Leana and James told one another about their lives, their fears, problems, and little infatuations over people every now and then, but never the kept feeling inside for one another. One rainy day, Leana called James up crying about losing Jerry. He comforted her so much, and she felt so much better when he did. James was always there for leana, and he never once let her down. That's one thing she loved about him so much. Not to mention, they were so much like one another, always making people laugh, and always making each other happy. Some say that these two were exactly the same, except different names, and the opposite sex of course. Summer came and James and Lena spent more time with one another, and finally got to see each other in person. They met each other at Jays' house one day, and Leana's heart dropped when she saw James for the first time. She watched him play on the computer, just as he watched her that one day after school. When it was time to go home, James gave Leana his school ID and she said her goodbye with a warm embrace to James. They both blushed, and that same unexplainable feeling took over the both of them. Leana knew then what that long time feeling she had been feeling all those times. She was no longer in denial...she liked him. The first person she told was her bestfriend Lae, who too knew James. She was shocked! Days later, James was talking to Jay, as he said, "Hey Jay, I think I like Leana." "Really!!! Wow, that's cool." From that day on forward, only five people knew, Jay, Lae, Leana, James, and god himself. And it was up to fate to lead the both of them to their destiny. It had been a whole year, and Leana and James still didn't want to admit their feelings to one another. They knew what was up, but never took the risk to admit. Until Leana hinted him out what she felt. "I'm suppose to tell you everything right James?" she asked him. "Duh! Why? You like someone huh?" he replied. "Uh yeah, sorta" she said. "Who," he asked. "Well, he has the same background as you, about your height, your age, and you know him very well. You see him everyday." She hinted out. James knew then what that meant. He felt the same, but was so afraid to show it, because he never had a girlfriend in his whole entire life. He knew it was him, and Leana was so relieved telling him Day by day they flirted every now and then and admitted their feelings in ways only they could understand On October 11, 1996, James and Leana both officially started seeing eachother. He was the most perfect guy you could ever meet in Leana's eyes to be exact He was tall, handsome, great sense of humor, caring, loving, just everything close to being perfect in Leana's eyes. And his eyes, his eyes were so warm, so sexy, so… WOW! And she was everything she thought of him to James. Everyone said that they were the most cutest, and perfect couple. And they were both so happy with one another. Everyone even thought they'd get married someday. He did everything for, to, and because of her, and she surely did the same for him. Their forgiveness, love, passion, and care were endless for one another. These two were inseparable, and in love. He always told her "you're such a big baby… you and those big brown eyes of yours, and those cute chubby cheeks …God I love you" and kissed her lovingly on her lips. "I love you too babe," she'd always reply. Two years passed, and James of course graduated and things began to change. They got into many fights, and Leana began to feel the hurt inside, she never ever felt before. James told her though, that throughout all this negativity, he still loved her. He took her hand one day, as she cried cold painful tears, and looked her in her eyes and said "No matter what, through it all, this is it….There's no one else but you. I will always love you, and I will always end up with you….. I promise," and wiped her tears away as he kissed her forehead gently. James, began to change, and emotionally hurt her daily. Her sweetest and most perfect man was slowly disappearing into someone she never knew. He began to stop doing things for her, he stopped making her happy, and he stopped saying sweet things. He stopped visiting her, and stopped calling, and always chose his friends over her. When they argued, he'd yell at her, hang the phone up on her, and leave her with so much pain and nothing to do but cry. It was soon passed half a year, and things gotten worse. When she tried telling him how she felt, he just let it pass. He started lying about many things, and became so unfaithful to her. He began to drink, which he promised he wouldn't, and hung out with his friends morning, noon, and night, and never had time for her. James did things that his old sweet self would never do before. He left her many times at home just crying, and didn't even bother to see if she was okay. Basically, Leana was in love with someone who seemed to not love her back anymore. They were together alright, but didn't seem like it to Leana. It hurt to much inside, but because Leana loved him so much, she never did let him go. She took the pain, and cried endless tears, and still loved him through it all, while he was out breaking promises, and being someone he knew he never was before. There never passed a day when leana didn't think about him, worry about the relationship, wonder why he was the way he was, or cried about the hurt. The pain he caused her scarred her heart deeper and deeper everyday. Her family was affected, her friends, and even school. Everybody was worried about her. No one ever saw her smile anymore, and if she did, it was only for a while. She hardly slept, and just everything in her life fell apart. All because that one most perfect human being who walked into her life, and who she loved so much, hurt her in ways that could never be fixed. James basically left her out of his time, out of his reach, out of his life. He acted as if she wasn't even his girlfriend. She did as much as she could for him, though he didn't see it, and sacrificed her whole life for him. She did anything to make things work, but he didn't do much at all. She tried so hard to figure out what the problem was, & why he hurt her so much. "how can God give you the most perfect gift of your whole life to love, and take it away as if it wasn't yours to keep" she asked everyday. James became meaner and meaner, and it hurt her more and more. One day he picked her up from school, and his was so different. She looked at him slowly. His built was bigger, his lips …no smile, his voice so monotone, and his eyes…. She looked at his eyes through the rear view mirror, and she began to cry. His eyes were so cold now, and that love, warmth, and sweetness she use to see no longer existed. James wasn't James anymore. They didn't speak a word that car ride home, and all she could think was "Why ? why was it like this now?" She came home and cried her heart out. And all that played in her head was the days he always dropped by just to see her, just to hold her. Now, he seemed as if he didn't even want to hold her anymore, touch her, or look at her. She blamed herself for all of this, didn't know why, but it just seemed like it was her fault She lay in bed that night reminiscing about the nights they laid together in bed, and he held her close to his body, and never did let go. How she use to wake up summer mornings, and he'd be smiling and watching her sleep till she got up. Why was everything so hard now, and why did it hurt so much? She remembered the sweet ring of his voice constantly telling her he loved her, while they kissed, or just stared into each others eyes. She remembered the days when he'd stroke her hair, and laid the most simplest, sweetest, kisses on her lips. She remembered the days when he'd run all the way to her house just to hug her tight, and she remembered the days when just everything between them was so perfect. She cried helpless tears, and all hope was just gone. She knew she was still so young, but regardless what age she was, it still hurt. She felt that endless pain that shuts your whole life and hope down. The point was, she felt it, and she didn't know how to make it go away. There were times where she'd think about leaving him, but she imagined how worse the pain would feel knowing she lived a life without him. Just as long as she knew she was his, and he was hers made the slightest bit of feeling okay. Her tears fell harder, and her mind began to shut down on her. All she could think was "God I love you James, I miss your old self so much." One afternoon, James picked her up from school again. They were both walking until Leana began to cry like usual. "Why are you crying again damn!" James yelled. "Nothing…" she struggled to say. "You know what I hate about seeing you all the time, is that you always end up crying on me for no fucken reason! What the hell am I doing wrong now shit!" he yelled again. She tried to hug him tight, yet he resisted. "I love you James, I'm sorry," she cried. "yeah whatever," he coldly said. James was so frustrated, didn't know what he was thinking, didn't know what he was doing. A confusion of being with her or leaving her just rushed through his head, as they walked towards the car. Suddenly, in the midst of it all, a loud bang alerted them both. James didn't know what it was. He turned around to see if Leana heard it, "Ey did you……. NOOOOOO!" he cried. Leana had been shot on her right side, as she lay bleeding, and gasping for breath on the street by James' car. He ran over to her as everyone crowded around. "Fuckin' call 911" he screamed, as tears began to roll down his eyes. "Babe are you okay?" he asked, holding her in his arms. Leana slowly reached to touch his right cheek, as she looked him in his eyes, and lightly smile. "Babe, I'm so sorry if I did anything wrong to make us the way we are now." She struggled to say. "Leana don't even say that, you're going to be okay… God someone help!!!" he cried. "You hurt me a lot James, but I still continued to love you. Because no matter what, through it all, that's it, there's no one else…… no one else but you." she smiled, and coughed as she gasped for air. She began to cry, and still the pain she felt within her heart still struck her like always. Flashbacks of their times together rushed through her mind, and she could hardly keep her eyes open, as her helpless body lay strongly against James' chest. James crying harder than ever looked down into her eyes, hoping she wouldn't die. "Babe I'm so sorry for everything, God I love you! You cant leave, we're suppose to get married remember? Remember babe, I promised, this is it, it's you that I'm suppose to end up with. Babe remember?" he cried. "I know I know," she nodded her head slightly up and down, as her tears began to mix with the bright red blood upon her body. James held her tighter and closer to his body. "God please no, don't take her away from me……" he whispered. Leana's hand began to slowly drift away from his cheek, as she struggled to keep her eyes open. "I love you so much James, and I wish I could've made everything all better. But babe... Everything I did, and every tear I cried… I did it all for you…… everything…I love you babe." She said, "I don't wanna go, but I have to, and God knows I love you. We'll be together again babe….remember, because you said, we will always be together…. We will" She said slowly as one last tear rolled upon her cheek, and dropped slowly on James hand. Her eyes closed, "I love you," she whispered, and Leana had passed away. "Noooooooo!!!" James cried. "You cant go…" he rocked her back and forth, and tried to wake her up. "Babe? Babe? Wake up… c'mon Leana. Please please…we can work things out I promise," "c'mon babe, we're suppose to get married babe, wake up. Babe? Please…" he begged. He closed his eyes and rested his head upon hers as endless tears continued to fall. "God Im so sorry I didn't take care of you babe, I'm so sorry," he cried as he kissed her forehead. All James could do was cry, and hold her until the ambulance came. As they put her on a stretch, and placed a white blanket over her head, it began to rain. James on his knees looked up into the sky and cried his heart our. "I love you Leanaaaaaaa!!!!!!!" he screamed. "I love you." He whispered one last time. From that day on, James knew there was nothing else he could fix. His life, his love, was no longer there. And all he could think about was her smile, and that one day she lay in his arms dying. He will always remember her, and will always love her…. Because this is it, it was her, that he chose to love for life.

You see, life is never forever, and things come only once. You don't know how long you'll get to keep things, and you'll never how long you'll get to live. But as long as you know you've got something in your life you love, and cherish so much…….. make the best of it. Because one day, when you least expect it, you could lose the most important thing in your life you set your whole future for. Take care of things while their still small, and most of all take much care of the people you love. Because one day, it just might be too late to take care of anything, or even see them smile again. Trust me I know… some day we will be....because we promised we would.
i thought i loved her...
I had met a girl a while ago. She was a dream come true for me. She was so beautiful inside and out. I began to talk to her and get to know her. We clicked, and we found out that we just seemed like a perfect match. You know how it is when you feel you're in Love. Months past by and we got closer than ever. We were a couple, happy and joyful like those couples you see at a park. Holding hands everytime we were together. Spending time together was the moments that i looked forward to. But we were different. See, we had God in our lives. And we would always put him first. But things happened. You know how the world is. The world glamorizes things other than God. And when it comes to relationships, sex is always a must in today's environment. We had kept it clean for months. But one night, we were together at my house. We would kiss here and there, but we would always know where to stop. But temptation was stronger than ever that night. We were so cought up in the moment. We were falling into weeknesses and temptations. But hey, it was love, right? We felt we had made love that night. And it was gonna be something that we would treasure for the rest of our lives. She kinda hesitated that night to do that, but you know that us guys just have our hormones raging, and I wanted to just go all the way. It was done, we had done something that most people do today. We went all the way, but hey, isn't that what Love is all about? It was night and she had to get home, I didn't want her to get into trouble. So at around midnight we decided to bounce. Her house was about ten minutes away. Then, the most traggic event happened to me. We got into a car accident. A speeding car ran a red light and hit the passengers side of the car, where she was sitting. She died. My girl died!!! I couldn't live with myself. Not just the fact that if we didn't go all the way that night, I could have got her home earlier and avoided the accident. But harder on me was a message that I got from God. He told me that my girl and I kept things good, up until that night. He told me that I did not make love to her, rather I did the opposite. He said it was not love at all. He told me that if I really loved her, than I would care for her physically, emotionally, mentally, and then he said I would have cared for her spiritually. I didn't know what he meant by that spiritual part. Beacuse I felt I loved her!! He told me that I did love her in all ways even spiritually, all up until that night. But that night, I hurt her spiritually. We had fallen into mortal sin. We had pre-marital sex, and he said that that wasn't love. What I did was jeaopordize her soul, thus not loving her spiritually. For if I loved her entirely, than I would love her soul too. After we had had sex, God had said He was deeply sad. But he was even more sad when we got into the accident.... Because I wanted to go all the way with her that night, I was partly responsible for her soul. We both fell out of the state of grace or God's pathway when we did have sex... and I was sorry for the whole incident. But God told me, "you have time to repent and I know that you are sorry, but your girlfriend is not able to come to Heaven right now." he said, "If she had died without having sex, she would be with me.... but you jeapordized her soul and help taint her soul with sin, and I can't allow her in right now." I was so saddened at what I had heard, but he told me to change my ways and treat girls with respect. Especially, to respect people's souls. He said that I could be forgiven, and being a kind and loving God, He said if I do good and be Christ like in my life, that my efforts in being good would help her soul to get to heaven. I have moved on with my life, and I am trying to live the right life. I know better now. And I will never jeapordize the ones that I love. If you love your girlfriend or boyfriend, love them entirely. Care for them physically, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly spiritually. Don't let the ways of the world dominate the way you think your relationships should go. As my homeboy would say, "Make God your first Love"
This Will Make You Wanna Cry . . .
>> > Jenny was so happy about the house they had found.
>> > For once in her life 'twas on the right side of town.
>> > She unpacked her things with such great ease.
>> > As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze.
>> > How wonderful it was to have her own room.
>> > School would be starting, she'd have friends over soon.
>> > There'd be sleep-overs, and parties; she was so happy
>> > It's just the way she wanted her life to be.
>> > On the first day of school, everything went great.
>> > She made new friends and even got a date!
>> > She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be,
>> > Because I just got a date with the star of the team!"
>> > To be known in this school you had to have a clout,
>> > And dating this guy would sure help her out.
>> > There was only one problem stopping her fate.
>> > Her parents had said she was too young to date.
>> > "Well, I just won't tell them the entire truth.
>> > They won't know the difference; what's there to lose?"
>> > Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night.
>> > Her parents frowned but said, "All right."
>> > Excited, she got ready for the big event
>> > But as she rushed around like she had no sense,
>> > She began to feel guilty about all the lies,
>> > But what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride?
>> > Well the pizza was good, and the party was great,
>> > But the moonlight ride would have to wait.
>> > For Jeff was half drunk by this time.
>> > But he kissed her and said that he was just fine.
>> > Then the room filled with smoke and Jeff took a puff.
>> > Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff.
>> > Now Jeff was ready to ride to the point
>> > But only after he'd smoked another joint.
>> > They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride,
>> > Not thinking that he was too drunk to drive.
>> > They finally made it to the point at last,
>> > And Jeff started trying to make a pass.
>> > A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all
>> > (and by a pass, I dont mean playing football).
>> > "Perhaps my parents were right....maybe I am too young.
>> > Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb."
>> > With all of her might, she pushed Jeff away:
>> > "Please take me home, I dont want to stay."
>> > Jeff cranked up the engine and floored the gas.
>> > In a matter of seconds they were going too fast.
>> > As Jeff drove on in a fit of wild anger,
>> > Jenny knew that her life was in danger.
>> > She begged and pleaded for him to slow down,
>> > But he just got faster as they neared the town.
>> > "Just let me get home! I'll confess that I lied.
>> > I really went out for a moonlight ride."
>> > Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash.
>> > "Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!"
>> > She doesn't remember the force of impact.
>> > Just that everything all of a sudden went black.
>> > She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble,
>> > And heard, "Call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!"
>> > Voices she heard...a few words at best.
>> > But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.
>> > Then wondered to herself if Jeff was all right,
>> > And if the people in the other car were alive.
>> > She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad.
>> > "You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad."
>> > These voices echoed inside her head,
>> > As they gently told her that Jeff was dead.
>> > They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do.
>> > But it looks as if we'll lose you too."
>> > "But the people in the other car!?" Jenny cried.
>> > "We're sorry, Jenny, they also died."
>> > Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done
>> > I only wanted to have just one night of fun."
>> > "Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim,
>> > And wish I could return their families to them."
>> > "Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied,
>> > And that it's my fault so many have died.
>> > Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?"
>> > The nurse just stood there -- she never agreed.
>> > But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes
>> > And a few moments later Jenny died.
>> > A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do your best
>> > To bid that girl her one last request?"
>> > She looked at the man with eyes oh so sad.
>> > "Because the people in the other car were her mom and
>> > dad."
>> > This story is sad and unpleasant but true,
>> > So young people take heed, it could have been you.
Seinfeldisms(i personally love seinfield=o)
What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking-"Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu? Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"
Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff." Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.

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